


Just A Tree

by k-i-s-m-e-t (guessimfloating)



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Arguing, Fluff, Light Angst, Living Together, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 13:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13248858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guessimfloating/pseuds/k-i-s-m-e-t
Summary: “What are you trying to accomplish?”“I don’t-““Exactly, you don’t, so then what’s all this?”“I thought-““You thought,” He Tian echoed. “That what? That this would move me? That it’d make up for something missing in my past.” He laughed darkly. “I’m not your pet project.”





	Just A Tree

“What do you mean you’ve never had a Christmas tree?”  
  
He Tian looked up from where he was sitting on the edge of their bed, fingers twined in laces as he did up his boots. Mo peered at him around the lip of the door from their attached bathroom, paused mid shave, foam still covering his left cheek and chin.

“Exactly what I said,” He Tian remarked dismissively.

“Yeah but,” Mo continued, he turned back to the mirror, gliding the straight edge of the razor over taut skin.

“But what?”  
  
“I don’t know,” he flicked the razor, splattering the residue into the sink. “I assumed Christmas was always a big thing for wealthy families.”  
  
He Tian shrugged. “Not mine, there wasn’t time for frivolous holidays.”  
  
“Christmas is frivolous?” Mo quoted with a snort “that’s pretty rich.”  
  
“Is it not? All that time and money spent buying gifts for people, expecting one in return.”

“That’s kind of the point.”

“Not really, it’s more of a time to get together with your family, share food and drink, show them that you love and appreciate them.”

“So, then what did  _your_  family do for Christmas?”

“We didn’t, my parents were always overseas and my older brother was shadowing my uncle. I was usually alone. They sent me gifts, of course but that doesn’t quite make up for them not being there.”

“I- I didn’t know.”

“How could you, I never told you.” He rose, crossing the room to where Mo stood.

“Anyways, I should get going, I want to avoid the morning rush, I’ll see you later.”

Leaning in he kissed the clean-shaven side of Mo’s cheek and headed out the door.

Mo slumped a bit at the sink. Every time he thought he knew He Tian, had finally figured the man out, turned every stone in his complicated past, something would come up that made him think he knew nothing at all. He Tian was never forthcoming with details either, these revelations were almost always stumbled upon. It bothered him.

He felt stupid that he hadn’t realized what was now so blatantly obvious. They’d just started living together this year, but they became involved back in high school, and since then had spent every holiday together with Mo’s mother and his few relatives. Where had He Tian gone before that? Why hadn’t he ever said anything? Mo knew why, but still.

He pondered about it during his 10 AM class. There wasn’t a way to really make up for lost time, and He Tian didn’t seem too concerned about it, but Mo couldn’t help wanting to do something. Anything.

He enlisted the help of Zhan and Jian Yi, perhaps didn’t really need Jian Yi’s help, but the two were basically a package deal- take it or leave it. Besides, after considering the logistics of his plan, Jian Yi was the only one of them that had a car.

At the tree yard Mo selected a modest sized tree, and let Jian Yi coach them in how to properly secure it to the roof of the car. When they asked him for a more hands-on lesson however, he declined. Of course.

The two got him and said tree back to He Tian’s apartment… their apartment.

They made quick work unloading the tree, though maneuvering it plus the three of them into the elevator posed some complications. Jian Yi, he admitted, looked pretty content pressed up against Zhan, so he didn’t feel too bad.

At the front door Mo fumbled with the keys, struggling to catch them in the latch while gripping the top third of the tree, each failed attempt shaking loose needles onto the floor.  

Once the tree was set up Mo collapsed, relieved, on the living room couch. There’d been a few moments where his heart had stopped and his breath caught, like when the foundation hadn’t been as secure as they’d thought. The entire tree had fallen backwards smacking into the full-length windows, glass vibrating awfully with the impact, but thankfully there hadn’t been any damage.

The trio rode the elevators back down to the lobby and parted ways: Zhan and Jian Yi in search of food, Mo for decorations.

* * *

He Tian drug a foot through the pine needles gathered at their front door.  _Are you kidding me?_

He took his time as he inserted his key, locks shifting to click in place as he turned it, swung the door open in anticipation. There it was.

“Hey,” Mo called from the couch, lightly illuminated by the lights of the tree behind him.

“Hey,” He Tian called, bypassing the living room, straight to the kitchen. Opening the fridge he retrieved a beer, cracked it open, sucking at the foam that fizzled to the top.

Mo drifted into the kitchen, hung back in doorway, He Tian could sense his discomfort, hidden agitation.

“What’s wrong,” He Tian asked, took a sip. Let’s get this over with.

“You alright,” Mo returned, reaching with his words, testing the waters.

He Tian snorted before taking a long drink, trained his eyes on the man in front of him.

“What are you trying to accomplish?”

“I don’t-“

“Exactly, you don’t, so then what’s all this?”

“I thought-“

“You thought,” He Tian echoed. “That what? That this would move me? That it’d make up for something missing in my past.” He laughed darkly. “I’m not your pet project.”

Silence drifted between them. He took another sip, considered what they had in the fridge for dinner, if they could wrap this up quickly there’d be time-

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Mo clenched his fists in frustration. He should have known his efforts would be trivialized.

He Tian’s eyes widened, swept an arm in the direction of the living room. “You wanted to give me the ultimate Christmas experience so you bought me a tree. That’s what we’re dealing with here right?”

“I..”

“For some reason, you thought that was a brilliant idea.”

“Clearly, it wasn’t.”

“You’re catching on.”

The atmosphere between them was thick, and Mo was at a loss to where things went wrong. Suddenly he felt more exhausted than he had in months. He thought He Tian would be happy with the effort made, but instead he’d uncovered something ugly, another stumbling block. On the other hand he’s pissed, because what had he done wrong?

He wasn’t some kicked puppy, he didn’t have to take this shit.

“You need to get over yourself,” Mo said, stepping out of the shadows.

“What?”

“I’m not a mind reader He Tian, I can’t cater to every tortured whim of yours, especially if I’m shooting blind.”

“Don’t-“

“No, you talked already, it’s my turn.”

He straightened his shoulders. Their height difference rarely irked him, only when they fought.

“You don’t want a Christmas tree? Fine. I can put it in the rubbish pile today but I’m not going to stand here and listen to this bullshit as if I did this with the intention of hurting you. I don’t even understand why you’re upset.”

“Oh, that’s rich, now you’re the victim.”

Mo’s could feel his temper that had been shimmering at the surface spill over, flaring and ugly.

“What was I supposed to do, you never fucking talk to me!”

“Why didn’t you just ask!”

..ohh

“You’re always so busy trying to be Mr. Detective, like I’m hiding from you. I’m right here, just talk to me.”

“You’re just.. so hard to talk to.”

“You make it difficult to talk to me…”

Did he?

“I just want to know more about you, who you are.”

“You do know me Guan Shan.”

“I feel like I know nothing about your past and then things like this happen. I don’t want to keep fucking up.”

“What do you want to hear about? The abandonment? The loneliness? My past is depressing as shit Mo. Living in fear that I may never see my parents again.” He swallowed. “Accepting that reality when it became true. I already went through it, I don’t need to drag another person through it as well. It wasn’t fair to me and it’s not fair to you.”

“You don’t get to decide what is fair or not for me. This relationship is not just you, or me, it’s us.”

He Tian walked over to where the tree stood, cornered by windows on each side. Through the glass the cityscapes illuminated, lights twinkling. A Christmas tune could be heard, dregs of it drifting in from an apartment above them.

Mo followed him, considering all the ways he could fix this, offer words of comfort. However, when he finally reaches the other man, his mind is like a sieve, all those possibilities lost. Blank.

Suddenly it’s all fine, because He Tian speaks first.

“I’m sorry.”

His shoulders shake slightly and Mo would give anything to wrap his arms around his waist, press his clammy forehead into the curve of his spine. But he can’t. His body refused to move, arms heavy at his sides.

“You’re right,” He Tian said, turning to face him. “I haven’t been fair, you… you didn’t do anything wrong.”

He gestured to the tree, “there’s nothing wrong with this. I appreciate it actually. I just…” he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I’m tired of people making decisions for me, without me. I over-reacted and I ruined something good… like I usually do.”

“You don’t,” Mo answered and now he could move. He pulled the taller man into his arms. “You  _haven’t_.”

“I should have asked, I should have included you. It’s just sometimes you seem so unattainable, like I’ll never find out all I really want to know about you.”

“We have time,” He Tian mumbled, voice muffled in Mo’s neck. “Let’s start.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the tianshanxmasevent on tumblr, this was for Day 1 (Christmas Tree)
> 
> I can talk about these two for days hmu on [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/instantkismet) or [Tumblr](http://k-i-s-m-e-t.tumblr.com)


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